


Everything and Nothing is Special

by lottielovebuzz



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon Compliant, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, First Meetings, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Retelling, Simon's POV, Simon's Thoughts on Meeting Kieren for the First Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 19:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2479565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lottielovebuzz/pseuds/lottielovebuzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roarton isn't all that special. Simon isn't really sure what he expected it to be, but he expected something more at the very least. This place was supposed to be monumental; this is where the First Risen was. He didn't expect it to be so quiet, so boring, so… normal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything and Nothing is Special

**Author's Note:**

> My first In the Flesh fic, so please be kind!! <33 This is just Simon’s thoughts on his first meeting with Kieren… basically just a retelling of their first scene together… just to break myself into the fandom/characters. :D

Roarton isn't all that special. Simon isn't really sure what he expected it to be, but he expected something more at the very least. This place was supposed to be monumental; this is where the First Risen was. He didn't expect it to be so quiet, so boring, so… normal. 

But then again, he wasn't sent here by the Undead Prophet to take in the scenery, he had a purpose and he had to fulfil it, whether Roarton was living up to his expectations or not. 

He makes his way through the cemetery, deciding to put the thoughts of mediocre Roarton to the back of his mind as he looks at the yellow tape that encircles certain graves, showing him the ones that had risen; the names of the redeemed. 

He's already got a list of those, however, and he's really only looking for the one that Amy keeps talking about - her best friend, the one she used to hunt with when she was in her "untreated state". _Kieren Walker_. Amy had talked a lot about him and already Simon felt as if he knew him. 

He never went anywhere without his coverup on and his contacts in; he was a tall, skinny eighteen-year-old that killed himself after his friend-or-something-more died in Afghanistan. He wanted to change things in Roarton - how people viewed the undead and how the living treated them. Amy also informed him that his friend Rick - who was a total dickhead if you had to ask Amy - had come back as a PDS sufferer, only to be killed by his own father. When Amy found that out she was nearly ready to leave the commune and go back to Roarton, just to be there for her friend and look after him.

'He killed himself the first time round, Simon, what do you think he'll do this time?' She had snapped when Simon found her packing her bags, but he managed to talk her out of it. After all, Kieren had his family and he tried to make a joke of it, saying that it would be harder from him to kill himself this time around. Amy had just glared at him for that and Simon just continued, telling her that the Prophet had work for Amy… that part was a lie but he needed Amy to stay - she couldn't leave just yet, even if her intentions were pure. 

She called Kieren though, and made sure he was okay. When she found out he was fine - sad, and hurt and angry and confused, sure, but still fine - she relaxed more and began to be the bubbly person she was when she first arrived.

That had got Simon curious as well; what person could pull another away from what they wanted just to make sure they were okay? He had never had that before, someone who was willing to drop everything and run to his aid, so even before he laid eyes upon Kieren Walker he knew he was special. Even if it was just for his ability to cause people to love him. 

Simon stops when he finds Kieren's grave, yellow police tape wrapped around it and a hole in the ground, all the way down to his silk lined coffin. 

He already knew that Kieren was young, but just seeing it on his gravestone, _1991-2009_ , makes his dead heart clench in his chest. Amy had told him that Kieren would be along at 10am, and with a frown he glances down at his watch. _Ten to ten,_ he realises. He's actually surprised that Amy had waved him on ahead - "Go on, it'll be fine! I'll be fine!" - but now that he's here, he wishes that he had insisted she come along with him. He was never good at introductions - either coming on too strong, or not saying enough.

Simon sighs and falls backwards, planting himself on Kieren's headstone without even realising it. 

What was he going to say to him when he met him? How did he even know that he _wanted_ to meet him? He knew he had to gather the undead in Roarton so he could find the First Risen, but what was he doing here, meeting them like this?

He had intended to just spread the message, _hi, I'm one of the twelve disciples of the Undead Prophet, come and tell me your rising story!_ But now, here he was meeting one of them as if he were potentially being introduced to a new friend.

'Excuse me.' The voice cuts in through his thoughts and he turns. He hadn't even heard the footsteps approaching. His hooded eyes land on a young man walking towards him, tall and so skinny that even his should-be skintight jeans are baggy on him. He's got a hoody on and his hands are stuffed deep into their pockets, but when he comes closer to Simon, he pulls one out and points to the grave. 'You're sitting on my grave.' 

Simon's eyes widen minutely. So _this_ is Kieren Walker? He really should have guessed as much, the boy practically matched Amy's description to a tee. Tall, lanky, blond-hair-that-wasn't-quite-red-but-not-quite-blond. But then again, he also can't blame himself. He had so much coverup on and had his brown contacts in that it was easy an easy mistake to be made, especially from a far away distance.

'Is this you?' He questions with a small quirk of his lips. _Good one, Monroe_. 'Sorry. I didn't realise you were one of us with all that…' he gestures vaguely to his own face. God what the hell was wrong with him? 'On your face.' 

Kieren cocks his head to the side but says nothing to him in return. He doesn't argue it, and doesn't try to justify his actions like so many of the others do. He just looks… content in himself… but below it all, Simon can tell there's something off about it. He may act like he's content in himself, but he's not. Simon can spot those with issues from a mile off, like one self-depreciating person to another. 

Simon looks back at his grave and he's curious. He hadn't even bothered to read his epitaph or anything, he just saw his name and dates and couldn't look any further.

'May I?' 

Once again he doesn't get an answer but when he crouches down to get a better view, Kieren doesn't protest, so he guesses that it's all right.

' _Gone is the face we loved so dear; gone is the voice we loved to hear_.' He reads it aloud and once he's finished he can't think of anything to say. His gaze lands on the young man in front of him again and he realises _why_ he can't think of anything to say. It doesn't suit him. Sure, he doesn't know Kieren Walker all that well… doesn't really know him at all if he's honest, but even so, he can just feel it in his soul that it doesn't suit this young man standing in front of him. 

'Well… it rhymes.' He says instead because he has a feeling that telling Kieren that wouldn't exactly be the best move. 

'Yeah, I didn't pick it.' 

Simon almost wants to smile at that because it proves he was true in what he thought. He didn't pick it; it doesn't suit him. 

'What would you have picked then?' 

'I don't know. A poem or… something.' 

Simons lips quirk this time because a _poem_. That is something he can do. His times with his father were never happy, but if there's one thing he's happy he got from the man, it was his love for poetry. When he hears that Kieren would have picked a poem instead, he clears his throat and can't seem to stop himself. 

' _I balanced all, brought all to mind, The years to come seemed waste of breath, A waste to breath the years behind, In balance with this life, this death._ ' He looks away from him once he's finished, especially when he sees the softened, curious expression on Kieren's face. 'That's what I would have wanted.' 

Kieren looks like he's going to say something, looks like he _wants_ to say something, but then another voice speaks and Simon tries his hardest not to be disappointed when he hears Amy's bubbly voice come instead. 

'Oh great, you guys have already met.' 

'Not formally.' He finds himself saying as he moves away from Kieren's grave, moving closer to him so he can grasp his hand in a shake when Amy introduces them. He smiles at him, feels proud when Amy introduces him as Simon, one of the twelve disciples of the Undead Prophet, but then that all disappears for Kieren just gives a soft "oh" and turns back to Simon, a look in his eyes as if that explained everything.

'You've heard of the Liberation Movement, Kieren?' He questions and ignores the way his name feels rolling of his tongue. Kieren. _Kieren_. God, he could say it forever… what the hell is wrong with him? 

'I've heard some… disturbing stuff.' 

He's heard many words about the ULA but "disturbing" was never one of those. Not coming from another redeemed anyway. The living enjoy calling them extremists and disturbing and any other bad word they can think of. But the redeemed? They call them liberators. They think they've got the right idea.

'Such as?' He finds he's genuinely curious about what Kieren has to say.

'People taking pills and going rabid on public transport.' 

Simon's throat clenches. _Shit_. He doesn't know why he feels so bad about being associated with those acts, but just looking at him as he turns to Amy declaring, 'They took Blue Oblivion and quoted Revelations, Amy,' when she protested that those acts weren't the ULA, he just knows that it's something Kieren is passionate and serious about.

Amy looks to Simon to argue the point, to explain that it isn't the ULA because as far as she's concerned, it's not. There were certain things he didn't tell Amy, knowing the reaction she would have. It would be much like Kieren's, in fact. At first he needed her to get close to the undead of Roarton, and now he loves the girl so much that he can't stand to tell her the truth and lose her now. 

So instead, he does what he's been trained to do. He justifies the attacks. For the sake of the ULA; for the sake of the Prophet. 

'How many people died on that tram attack?' 

'Thirteen. Including my neighbour.' _Shit. Shit. Shit._ ** _Fuck._** Simon wonders how on earth he's going to convince the boy that those attacks weren't as bad as they were now, after learning that, but he has to try. It's who he is.

'I'm sorry to hear that,' and he's telling the truth there, 'but the tragedies happen on both sides. The Ravenshead massacre. A man went on a shooting spree in his own hometown, shot ten undead people in the head. He got _five years_ ,' and God, Simon is still fucking pissed about that, 'because the judge said that Partially Deceased people were only half a person.' 

Kieren looks annoyed now, as he opens his arms wide and regards Simon with scepticism. 'Yeah, I don't agree with that either but-'

Simon can't let him finish. He knows that if he lets Kieren finish that he won't be able to argue anything else. Just looking at the young boy… he's already wondering why he's desperately trying to convince him that he should join the ULA. 

His white eyes find Kieren's brown contact-covered ones, and he wonders what shade they really were before he died. He swallows. Why the hell does he even _care_ about that, though? Fuck. What was wrong with him? Seriously. 

'The Undead Liberation Army is about protecting the redeemed from the living. Why? Because no-one else will.' He gestures to Amy to finish the sentence for him. _When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes duty_. How is he supposed to convince this young man to join the ULA; to believe in the Undead Prophet, when he feels himself doubting his words when he just _looks_ at him?

'Yeah, well, if you can keep your resisting to yourselves that would be great.' Simon confused expression meets Amy's and he feels a little bit better when he sees his expression mirrored on her face. 'This place has had its troubles. It's moved on. There's no need to cause more.' 

'How are we causing trouble?'

'By going about like you are!'

Simon's frown deepens. How can this person make Simon forget every answer to every question he's ever been asked? It's both infuriating and endearing as well. Somehow. He doesn't understand it. 'Like we are?'

'Yeah, without your mousse and your contacts in.'

 _Ah_. Of course. He should have seen that coming, seeing as how Kieren has so many layers of the coverup mousse on that he looks unnaturally tan. Then again, he supposes that the people of Roarton are more accepting of a boy with a fake-tan look than they are of a boy with white, dead skin. 

'This _is_ who we are, dumb-dumb.' Amy declares softly and Simon thinks that if anyone is going to convince him of that, it's going to be Amy, but that feeling is short living when Kieren is protesting once more, 'Yeah I know, Amy-'

'It's who you are, Kieren, and running away won't change that.' Simon murmurs, because this is too close to home for him. He thought running away to America would change his life, but the drugs followed him there. His fucked up life followed him there, and he just wants to make this wonderful boy understand that until he's okay with who he is or what he is, no matter where he goes, he's not going to be happy.

'I'm not running away!' Kieren declares loudly. Simon can't help but associate the word "adorable" with him. He normally isn't one for pet names or such, but just looking at Kieren Walker, all he can envision is a lion cub trying to roar for the first time. 'I'm gonna start a new life.' 

'You've already been given a new life, and you can live it here.' He tries one last time, knowing that the tone of his voice is going to make Kieren no longer protest. He knows he can do that; knows his voice can hold control and finality that makes no-one question it. He reckons it's half the reason he made it as one of the Prophet's disciples. 'Don't let anyone tell you any different.'

And even though Kieren looks like a pup that's just been kicked, Simon hopes that he takes heed of his words, because he can't stand the idea of Kieren leaving. Sure, he's only just entered his life, but it's like he's found the sun and he's not ready for the world to plunge into darkness just yet.

**Author's Note:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


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